Caregiving: How to prepare for a visit to aging loved ones

Now that the pandemic is somewhat behind us, we are reconnecting in person with older friends and family members. If you’d like to help them with the to-do list they were forced to put on hold for so many months, here are some suggestions from the New York Times and elsewhere.

Start by asking them to put together a list of the things they would like help with when you see them. If possible, have them let you know what’s on the list before your visit. If you want to help with the list, here are the items you might want to cover.

Before your visit:

1. Doctors’ appointments: Most people skipped preventive care visits during the pandemic. Are there doctors’ appointments that are overdue? If so, schedule those.
2. Home maintenance: Most likely some appliances are no longer working and need fixing. Other items around the house might also need attention. If so, arrange for service people to come to the house.
3. Legal matters: Do the people you love have a healthy care proxy, someone they’ve named to speak for them if they can’t speak for themselves and that it is documented in an advance directive legal document? If so, you should find out who that person is and, if possible, get a copy of the document. Someone also should have durable power of attorney to take care of financial matters if they are unable to do so.

During your visit:

1. 1. Time your activities around your loved ones’ schedules. Try to engage them when they are most alert, in the morning or after a nap. And, try to meet all the people in their circle, including caregivers, neighbors and others who they spend time with. Having contact information for those people could be invaluable over time.
   2. Assess how your loved ones faring mentally and physically. How independent are they? Are they able to cook for themselves? Are they taking their medicines? Check the dates on any prescription pill bottles to see whether their prescriptions are up to date. If not, ask whether they would like a pharmacy to deliver medications to them.
   3. Talk to them about their hearing. Can they hear the phone, the doorbell and the TV? Explore with them whether they would like a hearing aid.
   4. Discuss the location of various items in the house. How easy is it for them to access what they need? Find out whether they think it would be helpful to rearrange items for easier access. Offer up your muscle to move items inside or outside the house.
   5. There could be tripping hazards in the house. Steps, throw rugs, wires. Would they like some nightlights? Do they still want the throw rugs or are they more of a nuisance that could lead them to fall? Would it be good to have an electrician come in to put in electric outlets in more convenient places and to reduce the possibility of tripping over electric cords?
   6. Confirm that their balance is good. If not, discuss what you might do to help them from falling. Are guardrails needed in the bathroom? Talk to them about doing balance exercises and other exercise for mental and physical health.
   7. Draw up a plan for caregivers if there isn’t one. Talk with your loved ones about what their ideal weekly schedule looks like, in terms of outings, meals, exercise and social and cultural events. Include contact information for the most trusted people in their circle.
   8. Make sure there’s a file that contains all the basic information needed to care for them if needed.

Here’s more from Just Care:

• Talking to your kids about your stuff
• Five steps to get your affairs in order in case of emergency
• How to be a good long distance caregiver
• Five exercises to improve balance for safety and health
• Aging in place: Safety at home